How do I begin.. well for the most part most people would just see me as a hot and sexy hunk and not just a normal man that takes his britches off for a buck!! Hey five will get you ... Hummm can't remember but I know it should be good.. Oh yea it gets you ... damn forgot again! A hundred bucks will get me to put my clothes back on! Yea make more that way.. Remember one night I was naked and dancing to "Hey Hey we're the monkeys" and some foxy lady threw a nickel on the stage, I knew then I was a hit! A hot hit! She wanted me!!! I bent down to her knowing how much she wanted me until she asked for change! So I gave her 20 bucks... HEY wait a minute.. oh yea thats right I'm blonde.. go figure! It was her loss!! Can't figure out till this day why women keep throwing me nickels?? And why is it that "Roseanne" is still on TV?

Pucker up and have a good night,

Butch

President Butch.. sounds good huh?
If I was president I would legalize pot.... You see if everyone was high and wondering why they don't have six fingers on each hand instead of five, I could raise taxes and no one would notice!!
I would make reality shows like "Dancing with the Stars" and "The Bachelor" illegal and reruns sent to prisons for torture! They would never commit anouther crime!
I would send every American a coupon for a free therapy session with the psycologist of their choice. (Ten for Paris Hilton)
Hey, you heard about a chicken in every pot how about a beer in every fridge!! Now that may work, Arkansas would be a swing state for sure!!
Vote for me and I promise not to ruin everything! (just the little shit, ok so some countries may never talk to us again, but if I send them a keg---- who knows we may have peace talks!!)
Oh yea new national anthem... Born to be Wild and the national bird.....Yea remember the finger thing at the first of this blog!
Vote for Butch for Prez!

I did this... I really did so don't hate me till u get the whole story.... One day in Safeway grocery I spotted a little old lady, about a hundred and something four foot nothing and 60 pounds. She was checking out the coffee labels and right next to that was a display of condoms... OK I had to, I put about ten boxes of condoms in her shopping cart under her other grocrey's... I know you think I was BAD! But hell it was funny at the time.. She went to the check out stand and I thought I was going to kill her.. I started to feel bad. The checker took them out and said "are these yours". She blushed and said "Oh my no.. but I wish they were!" I felt better!!
True story!

Some comments from George Carlin!
A few favorites of mine from George Carlin.... (real things you should think about!!)
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"
There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night!!
George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country."
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that shit!
The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.
When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?"
People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there, buddy?

Maggie's blonde jokes and some from me, not affended!!
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.

The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.


Nope I think I like this one:

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The blond with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

Maggie


Now Maggie, heres some I like.....

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is!"

My stupid computer keeps saying, "You’ve got mail!"

FOOTBALL, MY FAVORITE SPORT:

A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.

She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."

"What did you not understand ?"

And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"

THIS LAST ONE TONIGHT SHOWS YOU WE'RE NOT ALL DUMB!!!

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

Ok here we go "My life at a singles bar"!

I am only going to show you what I said and not the ladies comments (do to copyright laws and their privacy)

"Hi there... (tapping my fingers on the bar) Yea nice place here.. drinks are good.. Hows yours? Yea good... Hey, when you shower do you do it in the nude? Damn.. thats cold, what a waste of a good drink!"

"Hi there my names Butch... Oh hi Lori (not her real name remember "their privacy" and it probably really isn't)... Nice place here... drinks are good... Hows yours? Yea good... Huh? oh the wet pants??? Funny story I was talking to this gal and she spilled her drink.. She was so embarrassed she had to leave.. So Lori .. right? Yea, have you ever had great monkey sex on a first date? ..... Damn thats cold!!!"

"Hey bartender who's that girl at the end of the bar? NOT a girl... never mind, how about that girl at that table... Hmm easy you say!! Buy her a drink from me.... Hi! Oh your welcome... My name is Butch.. Whats that? Yea I do have love great monkey sex on a first date!! (yea baby...... gonna get lucky!!) ...... Damn thats cold!!!!! Oh, friend of Lori's!! She lies you know!! Hey wait come back here .. What about the monkey sex??? Damn!!"

....... Oh well, there is reruns of Matlock on the old folks channel, can't miss that!! ......

"Bartender... How much do I owe you.... HA HA yea drinks are ON ME... Bite me... "